we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
