I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
