ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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