Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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