In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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