it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
