you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
