First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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