i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize