I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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