I wish my penis had an off switch
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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