well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
