i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
