I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
