I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
