escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
