it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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