ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
