My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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