did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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