I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
