I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bring me that man meat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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