this beer tastes like vomit already
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
