Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
