I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
