If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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