i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
