I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
These tits shall not be calmed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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