He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
