my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
