She just used a chaser for red wine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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