I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
