Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
