Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
