so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
