Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
