It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
zippers are such a cool invention
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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