How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
