My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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