I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
