i already hear my dad disowning me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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