it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
