YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
