mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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