So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
