Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
