you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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