I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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