We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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