strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
