I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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