i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
