omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
