Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize