It's like God shit irony all over that family
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
