god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
