my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
