We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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