Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
