I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
