tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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