i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
