i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
