I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
