Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
