honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
