i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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