Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
