At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You dont lie about slip and slides
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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