Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
