It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
