she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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