He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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